Untitled
by Chibiyu
Summary: This is the story of my heartbreak; the one I feel everyday.


**Chibiyu: **_I was taking with Destined and it brought forth a few feelings I have been suppressing for a very long time. It's time I let them out in this one-shot. This is all real; this is all me. It's not often I put my heart on the line like I am now, but I need to get this out there. I know a lot of people are feeling this too. _

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**_Untitled_******

_A true story about a heart break that I face everyday. _

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_I see him there but I know he doesn't see me. But I don't only see his looks like some of the others claiming to love him. No. I see so much deeper than his soft curls, the freckles on the side of his face, and the way his eyes light up when he is happy as he never really was one to smile. I see him for him. I see a young man, striving to be the best as that is all he knows. To him, he has to be perfect or else he will let his family, his friends, and the ones who adore, down. To him, being perfect isn't just a useless thing he must achieve; it is a goal that he unknowingly has surpassed in my eyes. To me, he doesn't even have to try to play the right notes, to sing in the right key, or to say all the right things in his song; he just has to be himself. But to so many others, he has to wear the right clothes, perform in the right key, and never forget to say that he is blessed for all of this. _

_And he is blessed; but not by them. Not by the people who are stalking him, waiting for him to mess up so they can switch idols, jump off the bandwagon, or ruin his good name. That is not a blessing and should never be considered one. The real people are the ones that brought him the blessing. It's the ones who will always stand by his side, cheer his name, and smile whenever they think of him – it's them who gave him this chance of living his dream. It's always been them. But he doesn't s see that. He doesn't see that for us, for me, he doesn't have to be perfect. All he has to do is stay true to who he is because I love him for him. _

_I hear what is unsaid whenever he opens his mouth to speak or sing. His heartbreak when he sings about a past love is covered by his stoic face but the underlying pain is still there. And all he wants is for someone to hug him to take away that pain. But he will never admit that. I know. that when he talks of being single, when he is lying or when he is being truthful. I can hear the annoyance in his voice, however slight, whenever he asked about something that should be kept only between him and that girl. I can hear the longing for someone when he is single. I can hear the happiness when he knows he has a loved one to go to and hold once this is all done. _

_But others can't hear that. They only hear what he says as an excuse to turn it against him. They don't care that he wants a private life. They don't care that he doesn't want to talk about his purity ring. They only care about tearing his words to pieces and throwing it back into his face. Someone real wouldn't do that. Someone real but be right there next to him, arguing to leave him along and standing up for him when he cannot. A real person not only sees who he is, but can hear it all through a single word. _

_I feel everything he intends us to feel and everything he tries to hide from us. I can feel his joy and attempts at modesty from every compliment he gets. I feel his laughter as it sends butterflies to my core as he says that some fans really need a filter. I can feel how uncomfortable he gets when he is on his own, without a guitar in his hand. I can feel how nervous he gets before a big show or how disappointed he is when he and his brother don't win a Kids Choice Award. His disappointment reflects his lack of perfection that he yearns to obtain. _

_I feel his passion when he steps onstage and looks out to see all of our faces. I see it in the way he ducks his head in a smile and when he shares a look of amazement with his brothers. I can feel it through the excitement in his voice that lasts through the first few songs. I know it is there when he takes a fans hand and sings to that lucky girl. I know its there when his eyes go over to where I am standing, in a sea of sitting parents, and he smiles. _

_I feel his pain when his songs switch from happy and upbeat to something he was trying to forget. I feel the scars on his heart when he belts out a song about love that never was to be. And everyone around e just screams, getting lost in the fact that he is in front of them to actually hear the messages he is trying so desperately to get heard. This message is follow your heart but never leave your loved ones behind. And if they loved you, they would always stay by your side; the past shouldn't stop that. But no one seemed to hear that; they heard his voice and his words, but not his emotions or message. _

_And then it all changes again when he looks up and stares out into the crowd, his eyes again landing on me. I watch him lift his guitar strap from his head and waves, and I wave back. But of course he looks on again, some other girl catching his eye by jumping and screaming. After all, why would he waste his time looking at a quiet girl who sings and dances but prefers to hear him as he intended? _

_And I wonder if he felt what I did; the stop of the heart when he smiled at me and actually happened to look into my eyes, out of the thousands around him. I wonder if he felt the warmth that crept into my stomach. I wonder if the smile that wormed its way onto his face was as unintentional as mine. _

_I wonder if knew that I when I first saw him as Gavorche, I had an instant crush. Nine year olds can't love. I wonder if he knew that when I heard him singing Little People that I knew he would be something when he was older; that the world would know his name. I wonder if he saw that in my eyes when he looked into them. _

_But of course he didn't. He can't see like I can. But then again, no one really can. _

_So I am left, like the countless others who have caught his gaze, to ask myself if it meant anything. And to me, it did. Whatever my heart is screaming of, whether it be infatuation, lust or love, I know it is there and I know it is real. But I don't know with him. I don't know if he remembers the last time he looked directly into my eyes and waved and smiled at me when he didn't smile or wave like he did to the other girls. I don't know if he knows I am there for him in spirit every time he performs. I don't know if he even understands how I love him. _

_I've never met him. Never touched him. Never kissed him. Never shared one word with him. It's only been listening to his songs, his words, his emotions, seeing his eyes, his hidden scars, hearing his adoration and pain. How could he ever understand that I love him and how much I love him? How much all of the true fans love him? _

_He cannot. _

_He is my Marius and I am his Eponine. I follow him, support him and love him but he is blind to everything I do. He does not take me for granted and he does what he can to keep my away from him and safe when fighting on the barricade, but he doesn't understand. I will follow my Marius until the end of time, until the end of my own life. I will take a bullet for him only to die in his embrace. And in the end, after all the pain I've been through, after all the pain form my broken hear that he has unknowingly caused, I can still endure a little fall of rain. I can still stand on my own. Because every time I walk alone at night, I dream that I will on have to wait more day more to be with him and to be happy. But this isn't the case. Eponine dies and Marius lives on to take his true love as his wife. _

_And this is not fair. _

_But it shouldn't matter to me. He is happy with her; and I should be happy for him. And yet I am riddled with jealousy and a burning ache in my chest when I see him with her. I want him to be happy and I want to be happy with him. But because of who he is, all I can do is lose. All I can do is hope that she is good to him because he deserves nothing less than an angel who will never try and change him. He is an inspiration to so many and has gone through many highs and lows and he deserves a gril who will love him no matter what. A fan loves him for his music and looks. A true fan loves him for him. _

_I hope that girl is a true fan. _

_I shake my head, knowing that he will never stop being blind to everything that I feel. If he ever opened his eyes, he would be bombarded with millions of hearts and would be torn to pieces by the love the true fans so him. So perhaps it is for the best that I am just another smiling face in the crowd. But then again, how am I smiling when m heart is weeping? _

_But the tears stop when he opens his mouth and sings and I know that everything will be ok. And a smile worms its way back onto my face. With him singing, I feel happier than I have in a long time. I feel safe and at home. And I feel loved. _

_And I know that I'm not the only one. _

_But I still hope, wish, and dream that someday, somehow, I will be the one that catches his eyes and hold its. That I will be the one he goes to after lying to an interviewer. That I will be the one he wants to hold and tell every bit of his woes too. That I will be the one he kisses. That I will be the one to see him go on one knee and hold out a ring. _

_That I will be his forever. _

_But he looks on again. _

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**Chibiyu: **_There you have it, raw unedited, just as I thought it and felt it. This is what I feel every single time I see Nick Jonas. Call me insane, clingy, obsessed, or whatever you wish; I don't care. This is me. And I know that this is some of you too. _


End file.
